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Proverbs and Wise Sayings

These were written for a show in June 2006, but there wasn't time to use them on the night.

A Rolling Stone gathers no moss when he falls out of a tree.
A stitch in Tyne means a poor result in the Newcastle Marathon.
People in glass houses shouldn’t.
One for sorrow, two for joy, three grand for a girl, and four for a boy.
A watched spot never bursts.
Familiarity breeds.
Cold hands: send for CSI.
The way to a man’s heart is … send for CSI.
A problem shared is a potential Daily Mail exclusive.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to be given a microphone and prove it.
Between two stools: take more than one bag when you walk the dog.
Cut off your nose to look like Michael Jackson.
Don’t try to teach your Grandma anything.
Empty vessels get promoted.
S/He who laughs last, hears themselves on the recording of the show.
It’s an ill wind that blows after a curry.
It’s better than to give than to receive: not.
Rome wasn’t built in Tipton.
Procrastination is a long word that I’ll look up on Google some time next week maybe.
There’s more than one way to cook a cat.
Too many cooks on television.
If you can’t stand the language, get out of the kitchen.